Reflection 101



The've given me a project at work that is supposed to give me a feeling of importance in my simple little clerical position. They want me to learn a marketing research program and then teach it to the staff. On one hand it's kinda cool because it actually gives me something to do all day. On the other, I really couldn't give a crap. This isn't what I want to end up doing with my life. I hope it's only a stepping stone to help me get to where I want to be.

Today while I was waiting for the program to load, I had ample time to browse the internet. During this 2 hours stint, I acutally took the time to go through my blog archives. My blog is over two years old!!! Reading my archives brought something very profound to my attention: I have changed. I read entries where I was happy. I read entries where I was angry. I read entries where I was immature. I read entries where I was too mature for my own good. And OH THOSE SILLY LITTLE CRUSHES! I was embarrassed about a couple of them.

It's funny how time works. I'm glad I've kept this blog. I didn't realize how journal-like it would become. I'm at a distinct crossroad in my life at this point, and I'm trying to make these huge decisions that could affect the rest of my life. Kind of like that feeling after high school, whether you should pursue more school or hit the real world running. Except, my choices are a bit more slim as far as school goes. I'm burnt out on school. And this decision is pretty scary. How do I know what I'm going to do will be right?

Do I miss the girl I once was? Perhaps. It's undeniable that she had some fun times along the way intermixed with her own tiny versions of tragedy. At the same time, in the next two years, I have no idea what will happen. Will I still be at this crummy financial firm with its office gossip and sad insurance salesmen? Possibly. I know that I will have more silly crushes, which will again be hilarious in their own ways. I also know tragedy will come, and so will heartache. But it's ok. Times have not been gentle to me as of late. But I'm ok. And I'll be ok. Roberto was surely right when he told me not to be ashamed of living. So I guess, now I know, I'll appreciate every single entry.